Blog Let's Talk Milkshakes

or more to the pt, sundae-like milkshakes...since any self-respecting milkshake worth my money requires a spoon. if you can drink a shake, it's no good. that's right, no straws. i like tall milkshakes, so if the server brings over a normal glass, take it back. i like the way diners give it, where you get this gigantic glass of shake so full there's stuff dripping down the side. and they always bring over that tin shaking canister that was used to make the shake, too. excellent. just leave it on the table next to the glass. it's filled with the leftover shake that wouldn't fit. that's right, i want that, too. i want every drop of that shake. i drink that bonus stuff first to start things off. i get shakes from diners for the sole purpose of getting this canister. in fact, that's why i go to diners at all, to get shakes for dessert.

now, i don't want a lotta thought put into my shake, either. just make it thick. if necessary, don't use any milk...at all. and use quality ice cream, too, not that icy crap. i'll pay more for this. don't worry about overcharging. i've never had a bad reaction to the price of a good shake. but a bad shake will cost you your tip. as i said, don't over-think it. regular vanilla, strawberry, peach... i like the basic flavors. cookies 'n cream's my favorite but if you're gonna make that one, make it right. i like chunks of cookie left in the shake. most places pulverize 'em into a big mess. this extracts the flavor of the cookies from the shake, which defeats putting them into the shake at all. i wanna nibble on cookie parts.

a few places get fancy and spruce up the shake with alcohol. this is ok but keep in mind i'm not getting dessert to get drunk. a drop for flavoring is enough. amaretto is a good spirit to drop in, if you must. but again, not too much.

the best shake i've ever gotten was in the caribbean made by some local on the side of the road named Jimbo. vanilla and strawberry ice cream, equal portions, some dannon yogurt (that's right, yogurt), and amaretto. felt like i'd masturbated after i drank it. i had to check my trousers. maybe that's too much information.

anyway, don't forget the cherry on top. yes, i eat that. and plenty of whipped cream.

I only like five dollar milkshakes.

oh kim... btw, pulp fiction references are always welcome in my threads.

Peach is my favorite flavor, I think.

i should also mention i don't mind the bottom of the shake getting soupy. that's ok. the milkshake maker can't be held accountable for the melting point of ice cream. and i like gulping down the last of it, anyway.

That best shake you mentioned sounds really good. What did Jimbo call it?

Peanut Butter and Chocolate

Strawberry Surprise!

do you like chunks in your shakes, FITS? i could see a shake like this being made or broken based on the chunks. when they pulverize it all into an indecipherable blend, it's just not the same.

I prefer it without chunks. I usually like it with chocolate ice cream and chocolate milk with a sugar/peanut butter concoction blended in.

that's interesting. do you like your shakes thick or runny?

I admit, if you're gonna use ANY type of ice cream that has natural chunks in it, you either have to grind them up fine into the shake or the shake has to be super thick to justify a spoon. There's nothing worse than a runny shake with chunks settled at the bottom that never went up the straw. I totally hate that.

Thick.

I have noticed you don't ever use milk when making shakes. I just thought you ran out of soy and didn't wanna use whole or 2% milk.

yes, milk omission is intentional

this is an excellent pt. i like how you put that.

*Kisses* You taught me well, buddy!

I only drink milkshakes when I want to projectile vomit. Which hasn't happened since I left school nearly 9 years ago.

you'd be great to hang out and order a shake with. i'd be happy to take it off your hands.

Wait! I'm wrong! I have had a milkshake more recently. Last summer I wanted something nice and cold to drink and everyone was going on about how awesome AMT Milkshakes are so I decided to check if they still made me sick. I drank about 1/8 of it and was violently ill. At work.